Dear New Therapist in My Phone,

Hey, I just met you, and this is crazy, but…that’s why we’re here

First of all, I’ve been searching for a new therapist in fits and starts since I moved across the country a year ago. I have insurance, which sometimes feels like a golden ticket into the healthcare chocolate factory, but in the case of mental health, mostly it’s been just me relying on actual chocolate to get by. It seems therapists near me hate my insurance. So that’s fun. Also, all the other MORE sick and sad people have beaten me to you, and many of you are not accepting new patients. Over the months, when I was feeling especially anxious or depressed, I’d send out a few queries, make (gulp) a few phone calls and get either rejections (as above) or worse, I’d get NONE response at all. Ghosted by the therapists is a new sort of low for me that SHOULDN’T feel personal, but does.

So, I’d give up and manage on my own, with some healthy attempts at mental wellness, like getting outside, stretching or exercising, drinking water, reading, and meditating, and way MORE unhealthy coping strategies like eating ALL THE THINGS (my zipper on my pants broke yesterday just to really send this point home), drinking wine, taking edibles, screaming at my kids, watching bad TV, doom scrolling my phone for hours a day, and generally just pacing around inside my skull being unfocused and mad at myself.