Marriage; Does Half Plus Half Make Whole?

Spoiler alert: No.

I was recently interviewing a sex therapist out of Los Angeles for an article I’m writing. I like to drop this into all my conversations because it makes me sound SO COOL, and because it was such an enlightening and positive conversation. I want to to discuss all the things I’ve learned. Just maybe not at school pickup with moms I barely know? Simmer down, Sarah.

Anywho. Both the sex therapist I recently interviewed (did you hear about that?!) and other women I talked to emphasized how critical it is to maintain a unique self-esteem and sexual identity independent of a long-term partner. To be loved and give love, you have to know how to love yourself, it seems. My specific questions had to do with reclaiming sexual identity/sex drive after kids, and all agreed that it’s critical to find quality time by yourself, to pursue your own rest and pleasure, and to love on yourself. This is really interesting to me, as someone who met and married super early in life. I think there’s a bit of codependency that occurs when you’re figuring out who you are in tandem with another person. It’s a beautiful thing when you shift and change in parallel, but sometimes I think our identities can get too woven and we forget to pursue ourselves. ESPECIALLY when we have little kids and our ‘self’ is further reduced to what we are to another person. I…