So, remember when we started therapy with an older, wisened therapist who seemed kind of quirky? We met with him again this week, and I swear to God, he said the EXACT same things in the EXACT same order. From the first “And what are we here today to discuss?” to the final, “So nice to meet you, Farrah, and Bob!” He remembered nothing about us and had no clue that we’d met (7 days) before. Maybe I should find comfort in the fact that our problems are banal and we are very, very forgettable, or maybe we need a new therapist. ;)
In the meantime, we went away on a romantical weekend and dug pretty deep into some of the cavities that have been infecting the molars of our marriage (I broke a filling recently, so we’re doing teeth metaphors right now- if teeth make you gag, you might want to brace(s) yourself. The drive down the coast was meant to be all sunshine and ocean views, but even in the foggy, rainy weather, the 4 hours there and back, and the two nights in hotels touring the area, provided us plenty of uninterrupted Farrah and Bob time.
I cannot believe how much easier it is to relate when we can finish a fucking sentence. I am relaxed and fun and hot and nice when I don’t have to be a mom. And the kid-free thing happens so rarely that I forget that I’m not always this neurotic, twitchy person full of “no’s.” I’ve forgotten me. And forgotten him. Us.
It was a dream just having these deep conversations, feeling this close to each other and free in ourselves, so it was jarring to come home and be inundated with questions about money and Youtube and other stressors that make me pant. I wish it weren’t that way, and I was a jolly happy soul even when taking care of two little need bags, but I am just not. And after this weekend of giving each other and ourselves endless attention and care, I actually experienced some grief when we came back to parenting and I found that my emotional juice was all used up and I didn’t have any resources left at the end of the day to deal with one more person (me OR my spouse). I suppose this is all better than it used to be-the kids are 8 and 11 now, allegedly a thin slice more independent than they were when they were babies and toddlers, and I’m learning boundaries….well, maybe an boundary, I haven’t gotten that far- but I still find parenting overwhelming and…