New Marriage, Who Dis?
That was clickbait, I’m not actually getting remarried. Don’t buy me a toaster or anything. (Or actually, do buy me a toaster. Robb chose ours and it beeps TOO LOUDLY FOR MORNING when the bagel is done and annoys the piss out of me.)
Here’s the thing: I’ve been married to the same person for twenty years, but in that time we’ve had four, maybe five wholly different versions of our marriage. I assume this is normal as people continue to evolve and learn new things about themselves and what they want in a relationship. Our marriage counselor tells us it’s normal. She also tells me to enjoy the newest reincarnation- my personal favorite to date- and not to fear that the old versions will come creeping back. I find this difficult.
That we’re in such a solid version of our marriage-verse right now is probably why I feel confident writing this. It’s scary to describe a situation you know isn’t right for you but you’re still choosing to stay in; it feels weak and precarious. Also, when you’re neck-deep in it you don’t always see all the ways it is choking you.
And let me be clear, I’m not writing this to advocate sticking it out because “it might get better” and “marriage is a commitment” or whatever. It might get worse, too! It’s not like we have a back-up life after this one- being with someone for decades who doesn’t see you makes you feel invisible…
