Not Hating Ourselves, Vol 2: SEX Is Different WhenYou Feel Lovable

Ok, I’m going to talk about sex in a second, but let me warm up first. (Insert foreplay joke…insert joke about INSERTING foreplay joke…OK, I think I’m done). I’ve been getting acupuncture for a few months for back and shoulder pain, stress, and self-love. The sessions include massage and cupping. About half the time while I’m lying there, I’m near tears. Well, I sleep through a good twenty minutes of each appointment, waking up all drooly and mad that I missed it, so maybe not half, but my point is, it’s a really emotional experience, being touched and healed like that. (I’ve been told there are also certain zones of the body that stimulate emotions, and my dude might be stabbing those, too. I don’t know).

Being tenderly cared for like that, choosing my wellness and body comfort and pleasure like that, evokes this raw kind of feeling in me. It’s like…sadness, gratitude, grief, hope, and “Really? ME?” all mushed together in this heavy spot between my stomach and heart. It’s pretty vulnerable to lie there exposed, naked, being provided something so intimate by another person. I’m paying him, obviously, but it still feels like a gift. I spent a bunch of money on it. It IS a gift. It’s saying I love myself, my body, and I’m worth sacrificing the resource. I also feel REALLY WEIRD about receiving without giving, so I now know all about how his parents are moving in with he and his wife and the family drama that entails. ;) I’m working on this, the letting myself surrender to MY pleasure and peace, and…