Oy With the Business Ownership Already, Day 92, “The Me Project”

Again life and business, and the way they’re braided together, have taken over everything and put me off course.

We have a BUNCHA stuff going on personally and professionally and so, was I shoveling handsful of chocolate chips into my mouth last night while watchig ’30 Rock’ reruns on my phone and drinking booze-free wine (WHICH IS JUST A FUCKING $ 7 GLASS BOTTLE OF GRAPE JUICE, WHY DO I KEEP BOTHERING. WHY) instead of counting my calories, exercising, drinking water, or writing?

Yes, yes I was.

There are a million decisions to make every day, between the business and the kids and the life, and so by the time I have five minutes to spend on myself, I just want to cash out. But here’s the lesson I’m trying to hammer into my stubborn head…melting into a pile of comfort goo is not actually self-care or peace. Taking actual good care of myself and doing the things I know are healthy is more satisfying and healing and stimulating. Not that watching comedy and eating dark chocolate is a problem, it just that I want to be more deliberate and less desperate about it. Especially because it historically has included booze for me, and ‘winding down’ with that is not my healthy. I fall back into slouchy old habits easily, and I don’t want to.

So- I’m trying. And that’s something. But stress makes it hard. I feel tested.

Good things I’m doing- going to physical therapy for my back because I’m tired of being in pain, and I have some small parts in a funny play, because being on stage, making people laugh, is a big part of feeling like my best me.

Also, as much as it’s been a strain on our marriage to manage the business together, we’ve found that it’s a zillion times easier when we’re both free to communicate about it- in the last several months, Robb has been out of the country for weeks at a time on opposite time zones. In the last 2 weeks, Robb has been out of state for a conference in another time-zone, and in the last week, he’s been on jury duty, totally incommunicado for 8 hours/day for days at a time. It’s HARD. And I miss him. Please don’t tell him. He gets all cocky when he realizes I have a mad crush on him.

So, we’re working on scheduling two versions of us time- fun date time and business time. We’ve got to, or things start to slip, and we don’t want that.

So….day by day. Grateful for the long year stretched ahead of me that I have time to do this learning. A few days of set-backs won’t destroy anything, in the scheme of a year.

Blessings upon all of your heads. Don’t buy fake wine, it’s very dumb.