Ugh With the Body Image Already, Day #174 “The Me Project.”

What the shit is this? Even with fearing for the downfall of civilization and the potential loss of a critical mass of our populace, I’m still VERY worried about my fat old lady neck.

What are wrong with me.

I’m (we’re) so conditioned to be critical of our dumb bodies that I can fear the aging and chunkiness in the MIDDLE OF A FREAKING PANDEMIC where aging isn’t a guarantee and food is a scarcity.

Gross!! I want to get over myself so badly.

I truly, truly, want to evolve to a place where I care for my brain, heart and soul, and for those things in others, a bazillion times more than mine/their physical appearance.

HOW DO I DO THAT.

I do NOT want to equate thin with healthy or valuable. I do NOT want to be worth the way I appear to others. I want to move past all of that.

Blerg. Will I feel healthier in my brain, heart, and soul if I exercise and eat healthy food? Yes. Can I do those things without the intent of looking fucking “swimsuit ready?”

We’ll see.

I joined a fitness community online exercise thingy and I’ve been VERY clear that I’m here for the serotonin and not for the slim-down, but we’ll see if my fortitude can last because from birth I’ve been trying to make this body look a certain way that I’ve been taught it should look.

So. Tired.

Also, my zipper on those pants was…taxed, so now it’s super glued. BECAUSE MY BRAIN IS EVEN BIGGER THAN MY BELLY.

Boom.